Clash of the Pens
by The Invisible Insider
Summary: In the end the only thing that mattered was the last pen standing. This was one battle that no one would ever forget.


**Disclaimer: If Gauken Alice really belonged to us, we'd make Natsume suffer, because we love him. But we also love seeing him, in pain. HAHAHAA.**

**Author's Note :** **This is humor, tinged with a bit of crack. We were Up all night writing this, so it'd be great if you read it! =)**

* * *

><p><strong>Clash of the Pens<strong>

**~(.)~**

"You just got powned! I kicked _all_ of your sorry asses!"

"Not mine. Stop being so full of yourself."

"You think you can beat me, hotshot?" Koko challenged cockily.

"No shit you boob." Natsume scoffed as he sat down fluidly in front of Koko.

Koko raised an eyebrow. "Game on."

They locked their elbows at the centre of table and flexed their arms.

"Ladies and gentleman!" Mochu announced to the rest of the class, standing on the teacher's table. "On this side, we have the undefeated champion Kokoro Yome! And looking to steal his title is the one, the only Natsume Hyuuga!"

A roar of whooping emerged from the crowd who were all centred around the battle zone also known as The Table. What better way to celebrate the end of exams than to play the manliest sport known to high school boys: arm wrestling.

"Let's get ready to rumble!" Mochu declared, imitating Michael Buffer himself, the one who came up with the infamous catchphrase. "Three, two, one, let it rip!"

That's how Mikan found everyone when she walked into the classroom, all of them were cheering on the two competitors who were both arm locked and eye locked in a glaring contest. She had to admit the muscles were very impressive but the veins popping weren't. Those were just creepy.

"Let's go Nattie! Let's go!" Sumire cheered just like she normally does in the football field. Sadly she didn't have her pompoms with her. But that didn't stop her from using the rulers like batons.

Koko looked away from Natsume to throw an incredulous look at the offending cheerleader. "What the hell. You're _my _girlfriend!"

Sumire shrugged nonchalantly. "Well I know better than to bet on the losing side."

"What about moral support?" Koko asked.

"Don't worry I think she'll find a way to comfort you when you lose." Natsume smirked and slammed Koko's arm to the table.

Within a flash, Mouchu was next to Natsume raising his left arm as a sign of victory.

"I present to you, the new champion of The Table! Give it up to Natsume Hyuuga!" Mouchu declared as he crowned Natsume with The Crown which was from Sumire's last homecoming victory.

Natsume calmed the crowd who had gone wild over his victory (most of them were the ones who had sadly suffered defeat from the X King) "Feel free to bow down."

Mikan blinked unbelievingly as she watched everyone get down on one knee and bow their heads just like Darth Vader did to Emperor Palpatine. "What is wrong with you people? So what if he beat Koko at arm wrestling? That doesn't make him Mick Jagger."

As if on cue Kitsuneme played 'Moves Like Jagger' on his iPhone.

"I do not like that song." Mikan reprimanded.

Everyone whipped their heads up in perfect synchronization to give her the ultimate death glare. That was by far the freakiest thing Mikan had ever seen.

"Do _not_ disrespect the King." Mouchu growled. "Off with her head!"

"Only the King gets to decide who gets beheaded for treason." Koko informed.

"Where the hell are you going to get a sword from?" Mikan wanted to know. Because seriously, what was wrong with these people? Beheaded? What nonsense.

"We'll build a guillotine." Someone responded smarmily.

Mikan crossed her arms across her chest in disbelief. Man, these people were so freakin' stupid. "Hotaru will not make one for you." She informed them smugly. Her genius friend was the only one capable of constructing such a contraption on short notice. "I'm her best friend."

Sumire let out a 'pssht' sound. "Please, money is her best friend. We don't call her the ice queen for nothing."

"Silence." Natsume commanded. "The King is pondering."

"This is bullshit." Mikan said exasperated at the shenanigans.

"This is how the Game works." Sumire explained in a tone of superiority. "Winner takes _all_. Loser will fall."

"How come Koko didn't fall?" Mikan pointed out.

"Oh he did, he was in total shock. But I caught him, just like a good girlfriend. Duh." Sumire retorted. "Anyways, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, the crowd agrees to honour the wishes of the champion."

"Yeah Sakura!" Wakoko repeated, the way she always did.

"Really?" Mikan asked rhetorically, obviously interested. She brought a finger to her chin and thought for a moment. "Alright, I'm in." She chirped, sitting down in Koko's empty seat.

"You think you, the weakling, can last five seconds in an arm wrestling match with me, the King?" Natsume asked with a mocking look on his face.

"Is that all you're good for?" Mikan asked, contemptuously.

"Chopped!" A random dude with an Indian accent said from the back of the classroom.

"Since when did we have an Indian dude in our class?" Mikan asked, shocked to see a non-Japanese face. No she wasn't racist, it was just a surprise.

"Oh Narumi had an affair with his father and got stuck with him after the douche decided to go on a one year cruise around the world." Natsume told her in a very serious tone.

"He's kidding. The kid's an exchange student." Sumire corrected, chuckling at Mikan's horror-struck expression.

Mikan straightened her posture and made a proposal. "You. Me. Pen fight. Winner take all baby."

"Bring it on, little girl."

The class started chanting 'Fight! Fight! Fight!'.

A concerned teacher popped his head into the room. It was in fact Fukutan who was supposed to take substitution that period. "What's going on?"

Someone threw a shoe at him, shooing him away.

Mouchu picked up a pencil pouch to use a mike.

"Yo peeps. Let's get it started. This is...the Clash of the Peeeenzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!"

"It's a pen, not a bee." Koko commented.

"Let the game begin."

"But first," Natsume interrupted. "I must choose a pen worthy of my magnificence."

He took his time inspecting all the pens offered by various classmates and he chose the most expensive and tasteful pen of all : the Parker Pen−not knowing that he was at a huge disadvantage due to the uneven weight distribution.

Stupid Natsume, Mikan thought while she brought out a far simply weapon, her long time duelling partner: the Cello Pen.

Natsume scoffed when he looked at Mikan's choice, she thought she could beat him with _that_? A Five yen pen does _not_ stand a chance against a five _thousand_ yen pen. What a loser that girl was.

Mouchu eyed both their weapons. "On this side we have the King with his stylish Parker while on the other side we have the rebellious contender who hates 'Moves like Jagger' with her agile Cello. All bets are off on this one folks."

"Awwwww, we can't bet?" Kitsunume whined.

"It's a figure of speech which means that this is going to be a close fight and it is all the more reason to place a bet." Yuu, who had been quiet up till now, explained the phrase because he could not stand idiocy.

"So shall we begin?" Mouchu the two participants.

Natsume nodded. "Ladies first."

"With pleasure," Mikan replied passionately as she gracefully swirled her Cello like a baton between her fingers and slammed it down onto The Table earnings various 'oohs' and 'aahs' from the eager audience. Then she crossed her arms and gave Natsume a very good imitation of _his_ signature head nod which made the crowd go wild.

Natsume gave an acknowledging nod accompanied by a smouldering look which was exactly like Cato's from The Hunger Games movie during their training introduction speech. To be perfectly honest, Mikan was _very _intimidated on the inside. He looked as if he were about to shove her against a wall and press up against her just like Alex Pettyfer from Tormented. She cringed at the comparison, since the actor, according to her was the epitome of hotness and being badass.

Natsume put down his Parker without any flair; understated confidence was what it was. The two pens faced each other, each on their respective halves.

The objective of the game, as all were familiar with, was to knock your opponent's pen off of the table and save your own from the same fate. Each turn consisted of only one movement. The pen cannot be lifted in any way and can only be moved in contact with one finger.

Mikan started off with a safe flick, barely moving her Cello forward. It was now slanted toward Natsume, an ideal position.

Natsume, arrogant as ever, was looking to finish Mikan off in one swift motion. He delivered a hard flick to the end with the clicker, succeeding in not only failing to touch the Cello but also flying off of The Table with high speed. The only good thing about the move was it hit Mikan in the chest, who had to resist the urge to rub the sore spot.

"SUICIDE!" The crowd screamed while Mikan grinned triumphantly.

"Round one goes to Mikan Sakura!" Mouchu announced. "Let us begin Round two of the three round game. Natsume you get the first move this time."

Natsume scowled as Sakura threw his Parker back at him, trying to stab his eye but failing due to his superb reflexes. It seemed that he had underestimated the power of a Cello and the difficulty of manoeuvring a Parker, something he hadn't done in a while. Pen fights were so three seasons ago.

Natsume copied her initial move, to which Mikan merely smiled.

Using her index finger she flicked her Cello like she would a striker in a Carrom game, managing to move his Parker slightly. The Cello ended up touching the Parker. Mikan groaned in her head. That was the most vulnerable position she could think of!

Natsume seemed to recognise that fact as he took advantage of it and with his pinkie pushed the tip with enough force to spin it. The action effectively sent the Cello spinning off the edge of The Table. Mikan's fists came down on The Table in frustration and Mouchu got very excited at the tied score.

"Woo! Give it up to the King! My man- Natsume Hyuuga – who just made his comeback!" Mochu cheered, pumping his fist in the air.

The crowd celebrated with equal enthusiasm and bets were quickly placed .

Mouchu quieted everyone and spoke solemnly into his pencil-pouch/mike. "Here's what we're going to do. Sakura, call it." He took out a coin.

Mikan picked heads because a cat always land on its feet and a coin must land on its tail. Besides she'd never actually seen someone who chose tails win.

To her astonishment, she lost. "Arrey!" Exclaimed the Indian boy. What was that supposed to mean? Mikan shot him a weird look. She didn't know if he was supporting her or happy that she failed at the coin-toss.

"Nat, the field is yours."

Natsume weighed strategies in his mind before having his move. Natsume decided to repeat his very first move, but with less force and more calculation. The result was that both the Cello and the Parker wound up at the edge of The Table.

The crowd gasped at the precarious position of the pens.

Mikan evaluated the situation to the best of her abilities and considered what she possibly do to win. If she flicked her ring finger at an angle of 45° the sine of the Parker with the tan of her Cello which would ultimately cause her Cello to flip over the Parker and at the same time cause it to shift further off the edge, resulting in it tipping over. Thus her victory would be guaranteed. Thank god trigonometry finally paid off, she was beginning to think that was a total waste of a year.

There was pin drop silence in the room as everyone watched Mikan maneuvered her hand into the desired position. Just as she was about to make the most important flick of her life, the classroom door creaked open and a voice filled the room.

"Guess what everyone! I asked Hotaru to be my girlfriend and she _finally_ said yes!" Ruka's voice interrupted Mikan's concentration and instead of flicking her ring finger at an angle of 45 °, she flicked her middle finger. She let out a screech when she saw that instead of her Cello flying over his Parker, his Parker flew over her Cello, struck the tip of the Cello causing it to spin away from the edge and subsequently it bounced off The Table and landed on the ground with a clank.

There was a moment of shocked silence at the epicness of the move.

Natsume's expression was absolutely priceless.

"Ehh thopes Mikan!" The Indian boy yelled out in glee as he took off his cowboy hat and swung it around in the air above his head.

Mikan decided to ignore that statement. She'd get back to the Indian dude later. But now she had a more important matter at hand. "Who needs moves like Jagger when you've got moves like me?"

Natsume was still glaring at the pen on the floor.

"What's going on here?" Hotaru questioned as she approached the table.

"Oh. Mikan just full to full chopped Natsume at Pen fight!" The Indian dude explained. "That was invented in India you know! What an idea sirji!" He asked as he looked up at the ceiling which Hotaru figured was supposed to be the sky.

"Oookayyy." Ruka bit out, irritated by the fact that no one seemed to care about his brand new girlfriend. Instead they all were cheering for Mikan after Mouchu declared that she was the new Queen.

"Oh yeah!" Mikan pumped her fist into the air. "Bow down to me." She looked pointedly at Natsume.

Everybody else (except for the two new-comers and obviously Natsume) sunk down onto their knees and chanted, 'All hail the Queen, long live the Queen!'

"Natsume! Why are you not hailing the Queen?" the XX King, Koko, demanded as he eyed Natsume who was still seated on his chair.

"I don't bow down to _girls_." Natsume grunted.

All the girls stood up with savage intent in their eyes. "You sexist pig!" Natsume blinked at this because it was so out of character. All these girls loved him! They worshipped the very ground he walked on! When did they become such feminists?

Mikan leaned back in her chair and sent Natsume a sly wink. "Want me to sick'em on you, _Nattie_?" She asked in a deceptively sweet voice, smirking with victory.

Natsume clenched his fist and took deep calming breathes. He couldn't believe that she was sinking this low. First off, she knew how much he_ hated _ his ex-girlfriend, Luna's nickname for him. Secondly, it was one thing to have fangirls trailing him, but it was totally another thing to have an army of vicious teenage feminists attacking him on the command of Mikan Sakura, the new 'Queen.' Thirdly, this was so damn unfair! He never said that he was the King of Pen-fights, he only said that he was the best at Arm wrestling.

Hotaru had a smile of approval on her face at the blackmailing skills of her once naïve friend. She knew Mikan had it in her, and was proud that she finally becoming a strong confident woman.

Ruka could not believe what he was seeing. The fact that Mikan had the upper hand over Natsume was something he had never thought would be possible in this lifetime. Though Ruka loved his best-friend, there was a part of him that enjoyed this moment. Natsume Hyuuga possibly couldn't always win.

Natsume shook his head. He could not believe what he was about to say next. He had to swallow a lot of his pride in order to avoid a very unpleasant situation that would probably last for a couple of weeks.

"Okay, fine." Natsume said defeated, "I'll bow down to you. Just don't unleash your minions on me."

Mikan shook her head as she crossed her legs and folded her arms across her chest, wishing that this moment could last forever. Seriously, this was epic. All the other guys were still bowing down to her even though they were focused on the confrontation. And all the girls, including Sumire Shouda former President of the Natsume-Ruka fan club were glaring daggers at Natsume, something which Mikan thought would never see. She'd be damned if Hotaru wasn't recording this with some secret webcam.

"No," Mikan stated simply, "You're going to be my slave for a week. And you're going to like it, Nattie."

"You can't be serious." Natsume ground out in a near growl.

Hotaru thought that she was proud before, she was wrong. This was definitely the proudest moment of her life.

Mikan placed her hand on the table and leaned forward, smirking widely. "Payback baby."

**~(.)~**

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so if anyone thinks that this 'Indian' boy part is offensive or racist, you should probably know that we ourselves are Indian and we are proud of it. This was merely for a joke. We don't know if other countries invented Pen Fight or not, but this is a huge game in India and we got this idea from real life experience. Besides, there's sooooooo much American and British slang out there, we wanted to throw out some Indian slang into the picture.<strong>

**Translations:**

**1. Chopped = Powned = You just got owned(humiliated/proven wrong)!**  
><strong>2. Ehh thopes= Chimps= Yeaaaah Girlboy, you rock, you're so cool**  
><strong>3. Arrey!= Dang it! =Oh no!<br>****4. Full to full! = Totally, completely  
>5. Sirji = Respected sir but in this case it refers to God<strong>

**So, Review! If you laughed (you know you did)**

_~TheInvi**si**sbleI**n**sider_

**P.S If we get enough response for this, we will continue. You know you're just dying to see what happens next ;)**


End file.
